Why I have been missing...

I truly struggled with whether or not I should publish this post. I've written it many times, only to delete it before hitting Publish. The more I thought about it, the more anxiety it caused me. I believe I NEED to write this, and once it's out there, maybe I can begin to emotionally heal.

Our family is dealing with depression. Our sons are horribly struggling. Depression is an evil, evil thing. It takes those you love and turns them into people you no longer know. It makes you hide away every sharp object you can find in your home. It causes immense tension. It sneaks up on people just when they are starting to feel like they might be getting better.It causes parents to change their sleep habits- one upstairs and one downstairs. {Really, sleep is a foreign word to us right now.} Depression is messy.

These past six weeks has truly opened my eyes to the lack of adequate care for people needing good mental health services. We had to wait SIX WEEKS before a psychiatrist had an opening in their schedule. SIX WEEKS. When  we went to the hospital, we were told that inpatient hospitalization wasn't necessary. They told us things weren't as bad as they seemed. Really? Did they live with us? No. Even so, we were sent home with instructions to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. It has been awful.

Depression is something that made me feel helpless, isolated, and hopeless. I have cried almost every single day. I pray constantly.

There is so much more I want to write, but I think that if I don't stop now, I won't post this.

If you have any advice you can give, I am more than willling to hear it.