divorced dating

The topic of dating again since the divorce is one I really could use some guidance. Is there a how-to manual anywhere?

I thought I was ready to take the big next step, so I joined match.com and dove in. I wrote a lengthy profile and added a handful of my most acceptable recent photos (You know, the ones which disguise as many of my flaws as possible). This is no task for the impatient. It took days selecting pictures, only to delete them when I detected a second chin or horrid bags under my eyes. I finally decided to quit messing with the photos before I had none left on my profile. Then, I waited. I was not prepared for the kind of messages I received. Some were downright sleazy.

I met one man with whom I started a discussion which eventually led to an exchange of phone numbers. I was really beginning to feel a connection. He was thoughtful, sweet, and interesting. I started to think about the inevitable meet-up, and I froze. I wasn't ready. After 27 years of marriage, I wasn't sure how to start all over again. How was I going to trust again? What if he took one look at me and regretted connecting? What if we didn't have anything to talk about? What is he turned out to be some serial killer who was wanted in three states?

So, that ended that.

But you know what? I want to date. I truly do. I want to have someone to share the popcorn with at the movies, someone to laugh with, someone who accepts me for who I am. I just don't know if that man is even out there.

So, any tips? This divorcee could really use some advice.

Divorce Sucks

So, I guess it has been a few minutes since my last post. I have a reason. A crappy one, but still, a reason.

Divorce.

Yup. You read correctly. After 27 years of apparently, one-sided wedded-bliss, my marriage is over. I should have seen it coming. He began pulling away many months before I actually sensed danger. He slept downstairs on the couch because at first, his back hurt too much to sleep in our bed, and then, his anxiety was far too bad for him to be able to sleep confined to our room. Yes, those should have been signs. Pretty obvious ones, right?

Well, not to me. It took an anonymous message from someone who wanted to let me know that my husband was having an affair with a woman the messenger didn't want to see ruin her new marriage. I guess she was hell-bent on ruining it, because soon after the anonymous messages and his swearing it was all untrue, he mentioned separation. I believe it was the next day he decided he wanted a divorce.

Things moved in fast motion after that. He wanted the marriage over as soon as inhumanly possible. We listed the house, and he refused to move out until the house sold. Once it did, he packed up all his crap, and some items that were ours at one time before the divorce agreement stated we had to choose which one of us got the couch in the living room and which snagged the one on the family room. (I ended up with the family room furniture.) Then, he moved in with the woman he was not having an affair with.

So, I have spent some time going through all the stages of grief these past months. (To be honest, I have been stuck in the pissed of stage the most.)

Well, it's time to put him in my rear-view mirror and start my new life.

life update

Here we are.  The first day of 2018.  I am SO ready for this new beginning!  Are you?

Our family had far too many horrible moments on 2017. Let's just summarize it by saying that I would never want to relive that year again.

Currently, Jacob is a junior at Penn State University.  He's majoring in Bio-Behavioral Science (I honestly have no clue what that means!) He's working in a lab a few days a week and studies like mad during most of his free time.  His grades were amazing this past semester, and we are hoping that things continue to improve for him.  He needs some positivity in his life.

Ian is a senior in high school.  He's not a real fan of school, so we are all anxious for this school year to end so he can graduate.

JC is still teaching and making music.  His band has a gig about twice a month.  I haven't gotten out to see them as much as I should.  That's one thing I made a promise to myself- support my husband more by attending more of his shows.

I'm also still teaching and working my real estate business.  I am also doing some graphic design work and sell beautiful Plunder jewelry. 

I did manage to end 2017 with a bang.  On December 22, I slipped on ease leaving work and ended up with a concussion and badly sprained ankle.  Ugh.  This has not been fun so far.  I'm hoping to be able to got out of my boot the nest time I see the orthopedic doctor.  Fingers crossed!

I have some big plans for 2018:
Sell and list more homes
Build my branding business with new clients
Attend a cruise to celebrate Ian's graduation, Jake's 21st birthday and my parents' 50th wedding anniversary
Continue to grow my Plunder business
Declutter my house- one room at a time
Spend more time with my parents and siblings

Do you have any goals for 2018? If so, I'd love to hear them.

Adulting is So Overrated

Sundays are days I typically look forward to. Usually I sleep in as late as my alarm clock {AKA my dog Ripley} wakes me. Even then, I have not trouble persuading him to stay in bed to cuddle for a bit. He likes to sleep in too, so most Sundays are stay-in-bed-through-two-cups-of-coffee days. {Coffee delivered by either my husband and son. Yes, I know that I am spoiled.}

Today started out like any other Sunday. I did get to do something fun and different too. I tagged along with an agent from the office to show a client a property, and then I sat in on a meeting with clients who listed their home for sale. I loved that part of my day!

Unfortunately, when I got home, I was met with a messy kitchen {Thanks boys.} I spent some time sweeping crumbs, washing dishes, and putting away snacks. I really looked forward to a cup of coffee and a book to read on the side porch once the kitchen was clean.

I went upstairs to look for my book and saw the Ripley got sick and threw up in various spots throughout my entire bedroom. Once I got that cleaned, I had to wash the bedding. Well, since I was already doing laundry, I figured I might as well wash the dirty clothes that were piled up in the hampers.

Heck, by the time I did all of that work it was dark. No side porch book reading and too late for coffee.

Such is life when you're an adult.

He wants to be a Rapper

My youngest son Ian told us recently that he has no plans to attend college in two years. "Oh really? Why not?" I asked. He told me it just isn't his thing. Okay. I can deal with that.

I'm not the type of parent who will force her children to make big life decisions whenever they aren't ready to do so.

Ian's dream is to become a rapper. Now, I must admit that when he first talked to me about this, I thought he was kidding. That irritated him because he was not kidding at all. I never heard him rap before, and I asked him to freestyle on the spot. He did. Wow. He truly pulled it off.

My husband and I told him we didn't think it would be easy to do, but we know he is driven. When Ian wants something, he makes it happen.

this thing called life

If you are a long-time reader of my blog {THANK YOU!}, you know that my family has experienced some crazy stuff in the past. So, it shouldn't surprise you to learn of the more recent events that we've had to deal with. Ugh.

First, my oldest son Jake was in an accident- a very bad accident. He had to be transported to the trauma unit of Allegheny General Hospital in Pittsburgh, PA. As a result of the accident, he suffered two broken vertebrate and virtually very little skin is left intact on his back. He spent a little over two weeks in the hospital. The first couple of nights, I slept in a chair at his bedside, and once we were certain he was no longer critical, my husband and I visited as much and as long as the hospital allowed us to be there.

We are grateful to our family and friends who also visited, helped care for our youngest son, and checked in often to see if we needed anything. Once Jake was able to come home, we were relieved and exhausted {really exhausted}. Jake was strong throughout those weeks, dealing with the pain as best he could.

I did it! I finally did it! I am a PA real estate salesperson {who is still waiting for her license to arrive}!

Even though I am a teacher, I have always been interested in real estate. I have always regretted not following that dream decades ago. Last summer, a realtor friend mentioned that I should consider going to school to get my real estate salesperson license. I was intrigued immediately, yet I didn't think I had the time or money to go back to school.

My husband and I talked about trying to find a way for me to attend real estate school. The same friend who encouraged me to give it a go told me that I was able to do all of the course work online. That sounded achievable. No, I didn't have too much free time. Teaching, tutoring, and being a wife and mom kept me more than just a little busy. Even so, I couldn't stop thinking about becoming a realtor.

Turning Grief into a Fundraiser- Animal Donation Drive

When my youngest son Ian was in 5th grade, he lost both of his pets. our cat Tony and our dog Harley. He was heart-broken. Shortly after Tony's death, Ian and I were watching tv and a commercial came on soliciting donations for neglected and abused pets. I remember him crying. He asked me if instead of Christmas gifts that year, could he ask Santa for money so he could give it to the animals in need.

We decided to help Ian with an animal donation drive. He asked his principal if he could do a contest at school. The homeroom with the most donated items would win a pizza party- compliments of my husband and me. The principal agreed, and before long, the donations came pouring in. The entire school district got involved.

We filled the two family cars with all of the donations and drove them to the local animal shelter. Ian was given a tour of the facility and was even able to pet some of the animals. He wanted to bring all of them home with us. 

Fast forward to today, 5 years later. Our cat Flip died on this past Saturday. We have all been missing Flip, but Ian has turned his grief into compassion once more. He drafted a donation letter to be sent to local businesses, his school, friends and family members. He intends to collect as many items as possible to be donated to our local shelter in honor of Flip.

I am so proud of my son. His compassion is one of his greatest gifts. I am blessed to be his mom.

sad...

My sweet boy Flip crossed over the Rainbow bridge at 5 AM Saturday morning. I am devastated. He was only 7 years old. The Vet said we did everything we could, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Ripley misses his best friend.

Rest easy, Flip. We love you.

Flip Update

Flip has to spend another night at the vet. hospital. :( He is unable to breathe well once he is out of the oxygen tent. Poor guy. I feel awful!

My sweet cat has asthma

My poor Flip. :( He hasn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks. Shortly after Christmas, he was sick. We thought it was just hairballs, but looking back, he exhibited some of the same symptoms as he is now- hacking, loss of appetite, listlessness.

I came home from work yesterday, and my son Jake was siting on the floor with Flip. Jake was crying. He told me Flip was very sick. He was having trouble breathing and peed on the carpet. I called the Vet's office. They told me to bring him right in. My heart hurt for my son. He loves Flip so much.

When we got there, the tech took him straight to the back and put him on oxygen. I was instructed to sit and wait in the exam room while they got Flip stable. I wanted to hold Flip, but I wasn't permitted to go in the back. I wondered if Flip was scared. Every time a tech walked past the window, I hoped for news.

I waited 25 minutes before the Vet came in the room to talk to me. She said Flip was in an oxygen tent and was doing better. She did an x-ray and bloodwork. From what she could tell immediately, Flip has asthma. She also suspects pneumonia because his white blood cell count and his temperature are elevated. They kept him overnight so they could keep him in the oxygen tent. She also said more test results would come in today. Now, I wait.

I never realized that a cat could have asthma. I need to find a mask that is made for cats. I only hope he will tolerate the mask as he is a bit stubborn.

I feel like an awful mommy. I should have taken Flip in to the Vet before now. I don't like knowing that he suffered, and I could have prevented it. :(

Living with Addiction- A Mother's Tale

I have known addiction ever since I was a teenager. My brother was an addict who spent months in and out of rehab. centers. Every time he returned home, we held our breath in the hopes that this time he would stay sober. Often, we were disappointed. It wasn't until my parents told him he had to go to a rehab. and a halfway house out of state or he could no longer be a part of our family.

That was what stuck.

He lived in Omaha, Nebraska for a while, and then he moved to Louisiana for over year. We didn't see him but once during that time. By that point in time, I started to despise my brother. I hated all that he put our family through. I quit trying to understand the disease. I believe it was then that I started to distance myself from my family.

That was more than 25 years ago. My brother relapsed a few times, and still, I was angry- not sympathetic.

When I had my own kids, I prayed every single night that they would never know addiction- never have to fight the disease. I didn't tell them about their uncle until they were old enough to understand what I talking about.

Well, all the hoping and praying did me no good. I raised two addicts.

Right now we are at the beginning stages of the disease. I am doing all I can to help them fight the disease. Still, I am afraid every. single. day. I wonder if they will be alive when I see them next. I worry they will get in legal trouble. I question every choice they make.

With the deadly drugs so readily available to kids today, I fear that my sons will be curious enough to try one, and it will become a fatal mistake.

This experience has taught me that nobody is immune to addiction. Sure, certain people have a predisposition to the disease based on family history, but truly, addiction affects people from all walks of life. My husband and I did everything we could to shield our boys. We kept the lines of communication open; we tried to surround them with people who didn't use drugs; we loved them. In the end, it didn't matter.

As a mom of addicts, I have learned to understand Substance Abuse Disease in a way I never could before. For other families out there who are living with addicts, please know that you NEED to reach out to others. It helps; it really does.

Don't wish away the years...

Some time shortly after having my oldest son, someone said those words to me. "Don't wish away the years. You can never get them back."

At the time, I wasn't exactly in agreement as Jake was a colicky baby. I remember thinking how I couldn't wait for those days and nights of no sleep and trying to calm a screaming baby to end. Then, he was crawling. Again, I couldn't wait for him to walk. It was the same with every milestone. I was always looking ahead to the next one.

Fast forward to present day. Jake is almost 19 years old. Ian is almost 16 years old. I truly don't know where the time went. What I wouldn't give to hold my sons in my arms again. I miss the quiet snuggles and the days where the boys wanted to spend time with me. I miss them holding my hand while we walked. I miss their toothless grins. I miss running after the Good Humor truck as it drove through our neighborhood. {The boys chose the same treat every time- a rocket popsicle- one that left their hands and faces a sticky red and blue mess.} I miss the bedtime stories. I just miss everything.

Now, our days are filled with school, work, and the boys' busy social lives. I feel like I hardly ever see them. Given the choice, they would much rather spend time with their friends than with hubby or me. It's okay. I get it. That's how it's supposed to be. I just wish I hadn't tried to rush through life.

If I could do it all over again, I would slow time and really live in the moment. Since that isn't an option, I try to focus on the life we are living right now. Everything else is just a memory.

#listersgottalist

I really love these journaling prompts from Cori, The Reset Girl! They are a great way to make myself write and create every week.

an exciting new challenge

As you may already know, I am a middle school English teacher. It's been my career for 24 years. I truly love what I do, and hope to teach for many more years. Even so, I have always had a desire to do something with sales.

My curiosity about real estate sales probably began when I was in high school. I spent summers working for a moving company. It was so much fun! I enjoyed going into other peoples' homes and carefully wrapping and packing their belongings for their move. Every job was different than the one before, which kept the job exciting for me. I remember thinking how much I'd love a career that somehow dealt with peoples' homes- whether it was with selling their homes or coordinating their moves.

I went to college because it was expected of me. I earned my teaching degree by accident, really. I hadn't set out to become a teacher, but after changing my major five times, it was the only degree I could earn and still finish school in four years.

Once I earned my teaching certificate, I set out to find a job. It didn't happen immediately. In the interim, I was hired by a newspaper in their advertising sales department. That's when I realized I had a knack for sales. I very hesitantly gave up the sales job for a teaching job later that summer.

Throughout the years I have considered a part-time sales job. It never went beyond that, unless we can count the different direct sales jobs I tried. One day, a realtor friend mentioned to me that she thought I'd make a great real estate agent. That was when the bug really bit me.

I signed-up for an online real estate class last year.  I really tried to put effort into it, but I soon realized I needed a face-to-face class if I wanted to be successful.

Well, I just registered for my classes today, and I couldn't be more excited! Hopefully, before summer's end, I will be a real estate agent.

Wish me luck.

Short Girl Problems

Are you a short girl? If you are, you can relate to the frustration of trying to find jeans that fit, unsuccessfully reaching for items on the top shelf at the grocery store, and swinging your legs like a little kid when sitting in a chair because your feet don't touch the ground.

I was trying to get some laundry done today. I was fine loading the washing machine. However, when I tried to unload the wet clothes to put them in the dryer, I had a problem.

The step stool I typically use to reach the bottom of the washing machine was missing. (Hubby was using it to paint.) I tried hoisting myself partway in the machine, but then I couldn't get out. I tried using a stick to get them out, but it broke. Eventually, I gave up. The socks and shirts I couldn't get out will just continue to be washed until I get the step stool back.

Ugh.

#listersgottalist prompts share

I haven't shared any of my planner spreads lately, so I'll share a few now. These are all #listersgottalist prompt layouts. #listersgottalist is the creative brainchild of Cori Speaker, AKA TheResetGirl. :)

and so it continues

Last Wednesday while waiting on the Keurig to finish brewing my hazelnut coffee, I happened to glance up at the kitchen ceiling. I noticed a line of what I thought were bubbles and pointed them out to my hubby.

They weren't bubbles (I don't even know why I thought that's what they were.). They were drops of water. I remember saying, "How odd. Why is there water on the ceiling?" Then, all at once it hit me.  The boys' bathroom! NO!!

Hubby sprinted up the steps to the bathroom, and then he yelled down to tell me that there was no water on the floor.  That can't be a good sign.

We were convinced the problem was coming from the boys' toilet. Ian duct taped the lid shut so nobody would accidentally use the toilet and make the problem worse. Hubby aimed a fan at the ceiling ad put a bucket under the water drips, and we all left for the day.

When we got home, the ceiling seemed dry. Unfortunately, life is crazy busy for us, so we put the issue off temporarily. As long as nobody flushed that toilet, we figured everything would be fine.

Thursday morning, before I could even put the k-cup in the brewer, I saw the water again.  This time the drips were falling faster. At this point, Hubby realized then that the problem was the master bathroom shower. Ugh.

Now the situation was getting trickier.  

Before we left for work, we told Jake NOT to use our bathroom. Apparently, he was still asleep during that conversation because when we got home from work, the water was still dripping and the ceiling wasn't looking too good. 

So, Hubs has spent the last several days trying to ascertain the cause of the leak. Somehow he found the tub drain to be our culprit. 

After talking to the nice folks at True Value Hardware, he set about to find an access panel to the master bath plumbing. That didn't work out too well either. No access panel anywhere.

We decided to remodel the boys' bathroom much sooner than we planned (like, YEARS sooner) since we had to cut into one of the walls to get to the problem plumbing. 

So, instead of doing any number of relaxing activities tonight, Hubs is ripping out the sink, toilet, and floor of a bathroom. 

We are more than ready for a break, ya know?

Living in a House of Cards

Have you ever felt that at any given moment everything around you could easily fall apart? All that you thought life would be has somehow begun to crumble until what you are left with are pieces of what could have been?

When I was in my mid-20s and considered the possibility of having children, I imagined playing with dolls or army men, proudly watching dance recitals and baseball games, quiet story time, and going on picnics. I didn't think about what life would be like once my kids were teenagers.  Who considers that before having children?

So, fast forward to a few years ago. My oldest became a teenager with a social life outside of the family and my youngest was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Nope. Was not in my plans.

We did what we had to do as parents. We adapted. We made new plans. Dreamt new dreams. What we didn't realize at the time was that we were building a very fragile house of cards.

Now, both of my sons are teens.  The oldest will be 19 in June and my youngest will be 16. Each and every day I take a deep breath and exhale very slowly, praying that my boys are okay. That they are safe. That they are making good choices.

It's difficult to accept that my kids are in the driver's seat when it comes to the decisions they make. Not all have been good. In fact, some have been downright terrifying.

Life has been full of twists and turns. Nothing I planned and dreamt is as I thought it would be, That house of cards we built has tumbled. I tried grasping at the cards as they fell, but ultimately, it did no good.

Once again, we will rebuild.  We will adapt. We aren't giving up.

Happy Birthday to my Hubby!

{Sorry ladies, this hunk is taken. <3 }

I am truly blessed to be married to my best friend. I learned the true meaning of soul mate when I met JC.

Well, that's not entirely true. I knew him as a friend of a friend while I was in high school. It wasn't until I graduated from college that JC and I reconnected. That was when I realized we were destined to be together for a lifetime.

JC is a husband, father, teacher, musician, friend, coach, and so much more. He is amazing at every single one of those things. He works hard to help provide for our crazy family. I honestly love him more every day. {I also think he gets sexier as he ages.}

Happy birthday, baby. xoxo