Don't wish away the years...

Some time shortly after having my oldest son, someone said those words to me. "Don't wish away the years. You can never get them back."

At the time, I wasn't exactly in agreement as Jake was a colicky baby. I remember thinking how I couldn't wait for those days and nights of no sleep and trying to calm a screaming baby to end. Then, he was crawling. Again, I couldn't wait for him to walk. It was the same with every milestone. I was always looking ahead to the next one.

Fast forward to present day. Jake is almost 19 years old. Ian is almost 16 years old. I truly don't know where the time went. What I wouldn't give to hold my sons in my arms again. I miss the quiet snuggles and the days where the boys wanted to spend time with me. I miss them holding my hand while we walked. I miss their toothless grins. I miss running after the Good Humor truck as it drove through our neighborhood. {The boys chose the same treat every time- a rocket popsicle- one that left their hands and faces a sticky red and blue mess.} I miss the bedtime stories. I just miss everything.

Now, our days are filled with school, work, and the boys' busy social lives. I feel like I hardly ever see them. Given the choice, they would much rather spend time with their friends than with hubby or me. It's okay. I get it. That's how it's supposed to be. I just wish I hadn't tried to rush through life.

If I could do it all over again, I would slow time and really live in the moment. Since that isn't an option, I try to focus on the life we are living right now. Everything else is just a memory.